When parenting overtakes marriage

I have always known that being a mom was what I wanted to be, there was never a question of where God was leading me. In high school people began to call me mom, I’m not really sure if it was a compliment or not but it made it very apparent to where my life was heading.

In the last few months Easton has grown so much. He has gotten 6 teeth in the time we moved to Miller until now, He army crawls everywhere and pushes up until his knees and crawls a bit. He talks all the time…hmm I wonder who he got that from J He loves to explore, sit outside in the grass, in the morning when he thinks it is time to get up he stands in his crib and looks down the hallway for us. And he loves to be with us, every moment he can. He’s been an easy baby from the beginning, and I have been able to hand the ups and downs fairly well... until now.

I knew that I wanted to wait to have kids for a few years after Andrew and I were married, I wanted time to be married and a wife first. I wanted to enjoy going on random trips, staying up late and getting up late, talking to each other whenever. Based on these things I knew kids would change our relationship and the dynamics of it…I mean who doesn’t change, right?

With all of the fun changes Easton has undertaken, nap times have changed and shortened bed-time changed, and wake up time changed. And I happen to be pregnant through these changes and just want to sleep all the time. It’s amazing how often I could take a snooze! My patience is something no one desires ever, and the lack of rest begins to get to you when he isn’t sleeping either. When I think I have a moment to myself, say in the bathroom…you think that you are alone…but you’re not! If I shut the door he pats the door and says, “Mommommommomma” until I open it, if I leave it open he just makes himself at home and plays with my feet.

It’s is so cute some of you may be thinking or why is she complaining about this?, and really it is cute, it gives me a good laugh a lot of the time, or at least I crack a smile, but at the point when I just need silence, peace and quiet, to type out my thoughts without a little guy wanting to sit on my lap too, to talk to my husband whenever, not waiting until Easton’s asleep, it’s just not so easy to appreciate all the cuteness.

“Marriage changes when kids enter the picture,” oh you better believe it! And wow is it rough when the marriage boat seems to be sailing without you on it. The encouraging part about this fact is that it happens to so many people, and the people who want to make it through, make it through! It’s not just my husband who have let things slide!

1. Shaving: Its takes more time and if Easton is taking a nap I may only have a little bit of time to clean up.
2. Flirting: “It’s too hot out.” Well it’s not getting hot in here with that excuse
3. To do lists: So much needs to be done, there don’t seem to be enough hours in the day to get all the house chores done as well as give Easton his time and Andrew his time too, and for me to get my time.

Just three have actually affected my heart a lot as well as our relationship. So I have compiled a list of options for us married people as “just do its” And I do me just get up off the couch and kiss your spouse, have some iced tea together, go for a walk kind of things as well as the other good stuff.

1. Date night is super important: just go out and laugh with one another, walk hand in hand together. And don’t talk about the kids, at all. Talk about you two, your ups and downs, but keep calm, keep it light and don’t use your date night to hash out harbored irritations. This will redirect your relationship, and help you be a better spouse.
2.  Write each other little notes: Flirty or sincere, let your love know how much you appreciate them, how handsome you think he is, how nice her legs still are after she had kids, how great of a parent they are, how great of a leader he is!  Once again, marriage/love points will be adding up!
3. Try to not to fight or argue when you are tired or right before bed, lack of sleep can be a bad mixture with irritation. And I know that after a few days of having a really good conversation things that bothered you a week ago can pile onto what bothered you today, try not to bring up each other crap from before, if it wasn’t something that was in dire need of discussing at the moment then a week later is more than likely you just trying to pick a fight. Try saying, “I’m sorry” before your spouse does, if you’re like me I try to have the last word and make him say it first, not the best advice to do.
4. On top of hashing out things, sometimes it is okay to just walk away without saying a word. The power of silence is huge! Letting your spouse do it his way and not yours is a big deal! There is a chance that some annoyances just aren’t worth the argument, especially the cabinet door, the pillows on the floor, or whatever else.
5. Make time away from the kids: use nap times and bed times for some hubby/wife time! That’s why we try to stick to a certain time or sleeping, it gives us a few moments without interruption.
6. Have some good prayer time: this is something the kids can be involved with to an extent; it’s so good for kids to see their parents pray together! But something’s are not for baby’s ears, so you choose. But be honest with your spouse, share things of their heart, but ask for their prayer as well. Pray for your marriage, for safety for each other, that God would protect your heart, mind body and soul from anything that could damage your marriage and your walk with God. Know though: that if your spouse is sharing things with you that they are going to pray about, you should feel honored, Something’s are for God’s ears only too, remember to respect that, and pray for your spouse separate from one another.
7. Your spouse is number 2: In our house, God is number 1; He is the reason why we do what we do, why I’m with the man I’m with, why I write what I write, why I am forgiven. He’s number 1! Which makes hubby number 2, a good spot for him to be, then kids are number 3. Sometimes your man/woman needs to know and see that you are putting him/her before kids. Yes, that is super hard, and not something that I have mastered yet, (so if any of you have, pass along your wisdom!) But it’s a great thing to practice; I think I would just ask myself, “at this moment how important is my child’s need compared to my spouse? Could I do both well? Who would be more affected by not having their need met” This a good one to put on a prayer card, nothing goes right if God isn’t number 1, start there, pray that God would teach you to serve Him and grow in your walk with Him, then pray for your spouse that you would be able to serve him/her the way God wants you to, that you won’t get so caught up in the hectic things of life and forget how much you love that man! And then pray that God would help you juggle the needs of your kids, I only have one right now, but soon there will be two and their needs are both very different.
8. Last: Be intimate: This can be tough, it’s not an easy thing to check off the list with kids and jobs and the lawn needs to be mowed and the baby needs a diaper change and to be fed. But really, some people may find with easier than not arguing, others may be really timid to get down to business. Whatever it is, prayer card it. Once again, God is number 1, and something that I had to wrap my mind around was that he cares about my spouse and I’s intimacy. So with kids what can we do when life seems to busy?

1.  a plan: its sounds strange but if life is that crazy, schedule, write, “time alone” on your phone calendar during nap time, meet for lunch if the kids are out on a play date. However you can be together, make it happen. It’s hard when you don’t have a lot of energy or you haven’t slept, but it will continue to get even harder if you let a wedge come between you two. Hug a little longer, kiss a little sweeter, share an ice cream cone, dress up for your spouse! Light a candle, Dance to ol’ Blue Eyes.
2. Have fun! Keep it light and sometimes silly: laughing together is the best!
3. Be creative: Get out of your comfort zone, plan a candle lit dinner for him before he gets home, be all dressed up, in heals and your hair all done! And don’t forget to shave! Turn on some music; you don’t have to spend anything to have a romantic night!
4. Ask her out on a date: there is something about dating that is just fun, you get a call from that special guy and he wants to take you out to dinner, and may be bowling if you were Andrew and I when we dated. When Andrew called me up to take me out, I actually got giddy! And while we were in the car on our way we played the dating game…just asking each other the questions that would asked at the beginning, the ones you probably couldn’t answer 10 years after being married.
    
   I am no expert, I am a total failure everyday and constantly have to be reminded of my role, who I am, what I am and why I am here, I cry because I don’t feel like I do my job to the best of my ability and then I pick up and get better…sometimes. It’s a work-in-progress, it’s not easy, ever, but hopefully you don’t feel alone, it always helps me to know I’m not the only one struggling.